Work / Life Balance 12

[peterso2]

Hello,
I am a 25 yr old Engineer with a Bachelors employed for 4 years so far. The company I work for is decent, but I don't find the work all that interesting and I'm basically stuck doing the same thing for the next 10 years +. I am still living in my parents basement - although I do pay them rent it is not much.

My life outside of work is in bad shape right now. I've got two real friends I hang out with. One has a degree and one doesnt. I do not know any females - the ones I used to know have all disappeared along with other friends to different states. Right now the weeks keep churning and all I do is go to work and the gym and sleep. How can this be changed? Is life really this dull outside of work until retirement?
Now its not all doom and gloom I'm sure I've got it better than a LOT of people in life but its still frustrating and depressing most of the time. Any reccomendations?

Thank You.

 

[IRstuff]

Who's grumpy? Not me...

TTFN

FAQ731-376

 

[KENAT]

It's more like the alternate 7 dwarfs around here; sleezy, mopey, gropey...

Posting guidelines faq731-376

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

(probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: faq1088-1484​

 

[mauricestoker]

And don't forget Spanky.

 

[ash9144]

add Tipsy to the alternate line up

 

[IAAWVU05]

Sorry this is a late post, but I just happened to stumble on it. We are all single and lonely by default. It's what you do with your time that can make your life lonely or not. Here is advice comming from a guy who's 30 and has a family. It worked for me. Take it or leave it.

1.) Living at Home Issues: Find an appartment within a 20 minute drive radius from work, or between work and home. That way, you'll be able to visit your parents and you'll be on your own.

2.) Physical Issues: Do P90x first - join the gym later. You will feel a difference in your energy levels after the first two weeks.

3.) Wife and Other Social Issues: It will be of great benefit to find your wife on a Sunday morning rather than a Friday or Saturday night if you catch my drift. The same advice goes for your friends.

4.) Don't be afraid to try new things (within reason)

Hope this helps.

 

[vanmorrison]

Hi Pete,

A smart capable professional at your age should experience independence and cut the umbilical cord. Your parents are not doing you any favors. Unless you have some condition or cultural reasons to justify you living at home it is my opinion it is time to leave the nest.

You are nervous about being on your own, you will get over it. Just do it! You need to experience the responsibility of being an adult, the bills, the mortgage/rent, and fending for yourself. You could solicit a roommate if you really cannot handle being alone and this in itself might provide some more social avenues.

You might find it fun and exciting looking for a new place, buying furniture, dishes, bed sheets, etc. Tip: get the highest thread count you can afford.

It is an excellent time to purchase a house. Interest rates are low and the money you would be paying in rent could be building equity instead.

Love, believe in yourself, live in the moment, and what will be will be.

Wishing you love, health and happiness!

 

[Gorpomon]

Lots of replies, surely lots of good stuff in here.

I AM ALSO 25 YEARS OLD. So I think my answers can be a bit more applicable to you.

1. I live with my mom, women don't mind, my current girlfriend doesn't mind as long as your relationship is healthy and normal with your parents. We all understand its a recession.

2. Volunteer somewhere, now. I do it, its great and I meet lots of interesting people.

3. Volunteer in politics whether you're liberal or conservative, so many attractive women in both parties and its the easiest way to meet people you automatically have something in common with.

4. Start reading GQ, Details and Men's Health, you'll learn how to dress well, everyone loves a person who dresses well. Also, they advocate a simple, timeless and work ready wardrobe.

5. No more gym, no one talks in the gym anymore. Start rock climbing, take Scuba classes, run on the beach or at the park. Gym's are nice, but only to meet a goal, then get out and use that physical fitness for real things.

 

[GregLocock]

I like Gorpomon's sense of humor.

Cheers

Greg Locock


New here? Try reading these, they might help FAQ731-376

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

 

[csd72]

Travel, see the world. I have worked in three countries so far.

 

[kontiki99]

I dance, started learning to play the piano, got a pilots license, now working on an instrument rating. I also love my job despite huge pressure and challenges.

Discard your TV and don't be sucked into banal internet distractors.

Life is a banquet, there are other people sitting at the table starving though.

If you are socially conscious go do volunteer work. If your life is emotinally dull, nothing like helping someone dig out of a true disaster to gain an appreciation for how good dull is and to tap into a sense of purpose. The tradegy of a disaster scene is emotionally rich, not a theme park for thrill seekers, but to empathise with true sadness of others and experience the reward from making at least a small difference can make you feel really alive.

 

[csd72]

Peterso2, are you still around? It would be good to hear if there has been any movement in your life.

I was at a similar point at about the same time in my career. I met my wife while traveling and then took the plunge and got a holiday working visa to the uk for two years to spend time with her.

I definitely recommend London as you WILL meet other people from all over the world and who knows..

 

[kurtp]

Get out of your parents' basement. You will meet people in your new place and in the process of getting stuff for it. All will be good, but you have to change your routines. Although people are everywhere and easy to meet, you will know when you meet someone interesting.

Even your job will seem better once you move to your own place.

Kurt

 

[bridgebuster]

Would you like to meet my daughter? I knew my father-in-law a couple of years before I met his daughter. We met on a Sunday morning almost 25 years ago.

Hang in there. There's nothing wrong with getting established in your career, putting some money in the bank, and seeing a bit of the world before you settle down.

Don't get discouraged and don't rush into anything.

 

[a2mfk]

This is the most entertaining post of all times on eng tips, probably as it has nothing to do with engineering.

Since it sounds like you have a fear of being alone, which is common and almost natural (especially when you are younger), one of the easiest ways to get over this is to force yourself- take a trip alone, preferably to another country. Get yourself a ticket to Europe sometime in the spring or summer and a 10 day rail pass, bring a guide book and have NO RESERVATIONS. Hopefully you drink socially (I know, not the healthiest hobby) as pubs in Europe have been the start of many, many fun times and I have met some very interesting people that way.

Had an awesome time in Scotland by myself. You are approachable when you are alone, and don't be afraid to mix it up. Many foreigners are just as curious about you as you are about them, and they may think Americans are like what they see in the movies or TV so don't be afraid to break down some of those stereotypes. And yes, this can lead to some nice conversations with a pretty girl with an even lovelier accent. Just don't dress like you are going to a ballgame and mine your Ps and Qs and you will be very surprised most of the time with how nice people can be. I thought I was going to get jumped on the subway once in Glasgow by a bunch of young guys and then they just started a friendly conversation with me, and thought it was way cool I chose their country to go on a holiday (that's what they call it) by MYSELF...

If you are somewhere with less friendly locals, maybe a language barrier - spot an Aussie and buy them a beer, and you won't regret it. Aussies are like the cool, fun loving cousins of Americans, and you can learn a lot about how to live from them, they work hard and play harder. And there is a good chance you'll get an email or number and have a place to stay in another country for a visit. (I have also had good experiences with many other people from other countries, be very careful drinking with anyone from England, Scotland, or Ireland, they are better at it than you.)

The other advantage of traveling alone is you choose to do and go wherever you want, whenever you want.

If that's too much for you take a buddy, just one, easier to book hotel rooms and meet people if its just two of you. Surprising how often two other young, single girls also travel as a pair.

When you get back you will feel different and have a new lease on life. You will see there is so much to see and do out there beyond your basement, town, state and country. You will have gone someplace new and alone and been FINE. This will give you confidence in new ways you will not understand for a while.

Maybe none of this will work exactly the way it has for me, but at the least you could cross the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben and the canals of Amsterdam off your bucket list. Don't burn yourself out on museums, find a party in Spain (Barcelona is a good place to start), spend a couple of days in an Alpine village, and Scandinavia has models working at McDonald's... And Belgium has over 1000 breweries which is a lot for such a small country, if you are so inclined..

 

[plasgears]

I vote no on travel abroad. Spend your money in your own state and country. Instead of inflated airfares and baggage fees, spend money on upgrading your car, if needed. And lobby to bring manufacturing back to your country. Tired of made in China.

 

[GregLocock]

and if everybody followed plasgear's xenophobic advice the net effect would be zero, financially, and negative, culturally.


Cheers

Greg Locock


New here? Try reading these, they might help FAQ731-376

http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

 

[a2mfk]

Greg- I have a couple of friends like Plasgear, I tell them to stay home, they wouldn't have any fun anyway!

 

[DerPumpeMeister]

Get out of the house. I don't necessarily meant to move out of your parent's basement. I mean to avoid spending time indoors by yourself. Think about what interests you and join a group or take a class. Craigslist is an easy way to find social gatherings, classes or meetings. I would aslo recommend meetup.com; they have a huge array of meet up groups. I joined a few and had a great time! I also ended up meeting a beautiful woman who is now my wife. Someone above recommended Toastmasters. This is a great idea. I joined a few months back and have met some fine people as well as improving my speaking and social skills.

At work, speak with your supervisor or HR person. Not all companies are good at letting you know what potential advancement or opportunities are available to you. If you ahve something to work toward it can add some new motivation.

Good luck!

http://www.EngineeringGuideBook.com

 

[csd72]

some goog advice here though I am not sure that peterso2 is still listening.

plasgears,

You really do sum up to me what is going wrong with america. Too many of you see your country as a closed system and have no appreciation of the rest of the world.

There are cultures at there that have such a completely different take on life that you will never grasp it. The variety of humanity never ceases to amaze me when I travel.

But the US runs the risk of falling behind in this global economy if it continues to have an inward facing attitude.

I would recommend overseas travel to anyone, it will open your eyes to what an amazing thing life is.

 

[SiliconeAurora]

In fairness, it's not exactly easy to see the big wide world from the US. Different cultures are mostly an ocean away and that airfare ain't cheap. I do okay and I like to travel but, even then, most of my vacations are within the country. Visiting elsewhere is fun for a time but has never really opened my eyes to anything; when it's over, I'm back to my little town in the middle of nowhere.

peterso2, I'm 28 and in a similar situation. I've lived on my own for years now, having jobs in different states from my parents and before that I was at college a few hundred miles away. My current situation is pretty poor, as I'm in a very small town in midcountry USA with the nearest major city being close to two hours away. Pretty tight-nit group and I don't really feel like I fit in very well as a college-educated engineer from outside. Point though is that life is not going to change just because you're not in the basement. Being independant is not hard. Being content with life is something else entirely. In fact, there are times when I almost wish I still was at home. At least then I'd know there are two people close by that will always have my back and I'll always have theirs. Most of my friends have never come close to that.